and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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