Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
