Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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