I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
