did you get engaged???
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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