I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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