There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
