Buhtt sex?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
