you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
