Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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