12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
