i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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