dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
