I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
