My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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