Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think I just sharted jello shots
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
