Three words: puerto rican gang bang
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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