You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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