i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
