My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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