when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
