so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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