I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
