Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
