TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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