How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
