He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
