I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
