I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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