This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
