I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
