there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
