God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
