The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
