i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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