I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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