I wish life had little blips of pornography
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
