oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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