So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
