just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
