sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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