when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
