mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
