Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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