he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
