i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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