YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
