He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
