i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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