Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
