Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
